• Sarah Rossmiller LPC

How Sexually Intelligent Are You?

Lots of people find themselves dissatisfied with their sex lives. With all the b.s. we're fed through media about what is considered "normal" and the appalling lack of information and openness to discussing sexuality even in the medical and mental health community (for God's sake, really?!), it's no wonder many of us don't know how to enjoy sex.

"Sexual Intelligence" is necessary in order to seek and gain a satisfying sex life. According to Marty Klein, author of Sexual Intelligence, "Sexual Intelligence means dealing with sexuality in a straightforward way, rather than hiding it, denying it, or blaming it." You talk about it. You don't put your energy into pretending that sex isn't the way it is." It means letting go of all those notions about what "normal" means, criticizing your body, and attempting to "perform" rather than be in the moment and enjoy yourself and your partner.

In order to become more sexually savvy, you need to be open to learning about and improving your Sexual Intelligence, which basically involves 3 interrelated components.

The 3 Key Components of Sexual Intelligence:

1. YOUR BRAIN: Information and Knowledge - this is all about anatomy and physiology: an understanding of your body and your partner's body (flaws, medical issues, the aging process, preferences, injuries, etc). How your parts work and letting go of expecting them to work in ways they don't is needed here.

2. YOUR HEART: Emotional Skills - we need self-acceptance, communication, trust, maturity, and distress tolerance in order to have better sex. These are emotional skills and have nothing to do with "the motion of the ocean." You can't put your information and knowledge to work if you don't have the emotional skills down!

3. YOUR BODY: Body Awareness and Comfort (which allows you to express yourself and your knowledge) - Having good body awareness means you're more likely to experience that ever-satisfying sense of attunement with you partner. If you struggle with controlling you body's movements or sensing how your body relates to it's environment (which includes your partner's body) then this can be difficult. Being mindful and in the present moment of your body's physical sensations helps guide this process.


Information presented here was gathered directly from the book

Sexual Intelligence by Marty Klein, PH.D.

Check out his book for purchase and reviews on

And for more information from Dr. Klein, go his website, here.

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