Existential Fear & Indecision: Why Death Anxiety Makes Us Feel Stuck

Sarah Rossmiller, M.S., LPC
Aug 28
4 min read

Life’s uncertainties often feel like they revolve around the choices we make or avoid making. Beneath this surface indecision, however, lies a deeper fear: the awareness of our own mortality. Existential death anxiety, the fear of life’s finite nature and the unknown beyond it, is a universal experience. But what if our struggle to make decisions is, at least in part, a way of coping with this fear? Let’s explore how existential anxiety influences indecision and how understanding this connection can help us move forward.

Existential Death Anxiety: A Universal Experience

Existential death anxiety stems from the recognition that life is finite and the uncertainty of what lies beyond. This awareness can be deeply unsettling, often remains unconscious, and then manifests in behaviors designed to soothe or distract us from this truth. For example:

Avoidance: Steering clear of difficult decisions or discussions about mortality.
Distraction: Focusing on tasks, entertainment, or compulsive self-soothing to push existential concerns to the background.
Overcompensation: Trying to exert control through rigid planning or relentless achievement.

Existential philosophers and therapists maintain that this confrontation with mortality can either paralyze us with dread or propel us toward purposeful action. The way we navigate this anxiety shapes how we live and how we choose.

Indecision as a Defense Mechanism

Chronic indecision can act as a shield, protecting us from confronting deeper fears of mortality or the permanence of life’s choices. Consider these patterns:

Fear of Regret: Indecision keeps all options open, symbolically avoiding the irrevocability of death.
Desire for Certainty: Striving for the “perfect” choice mirrors a yearning for control in an unpredictable world.
Overwhelm: Too many options amplify existential overload, leading to decision paralysis.
Identity Conflict: Choices often force us to confront who we are and who we want to be, which can feel destabilizing.

Each small decision can feel like a reflection of the ultimate question: How do we live a meaningful life?

Exploring the Roots of Indecision

Sometimes, being stuck in indecision signals something deeper. By bringing awareness to these underlying fears, we can begin to shift our perspective and take meaningful action.

1. Recognizing the Fear of Finality

Every choice carries weight, but not every decision is as permanent as it seems. Ask yourself:

“Am I afraid of regret or missing out?”
“Does this decision feel bigger than it actually is?” Acknowledging these fears can reduce their power and provide clarity.

2. Aligning Decisions with Core Values

Instead of seeking the “perfect” choice, focus on decisions that align with your values. Consider:

“What truly matters to me?”
“How does this decision reflect the person I want to be?” When choices align with your values, the fear of making the “wrong” decision begins to fade.

3. Embracing Uncertainty

Life is inherently unpredictable. Rather than resisting uncertainty, try to accept it:

“I can’t control everything, but I can choose what feels right today.” Leaning into uncertainty allows you to act even when the outcome isn’t guaranteed.

4. Viewing Decisions as Experiments

Not every choice is permanent. Think of decisions as opportunities to learn:

“What works?”
“What doesn’t?” Reframing decisions as experiments removes the pressure of perfection and encourages action.

5. Finding Meaning in Indecision

Ask yourself:

“What am I avoiding by staying stuck?” or "What am I gaining by staying stuck?"
“How would choosing growth over safety look in this moment?” Exploring these questions can reveal how indecision serves as a coping mechanism and how to move beyond it.

6. Thinking About Your Legacy

Imagine yourself decades from now, reflecting on this moment. What advice would you give yourself? While this isn’t about adding pressure, it can provide perspective on how you want to spend your energy and time.

Practical Steps to Move Forward

Try these exercises to work through indecision and existential fears:

Journaling Prompts:
- “What scares me most about making the ‘wrong’ decision?”
- “If I weren’t afraid of failing or death, what decision would I make?”
Imagery Exercises:
- Visualize your 80-year-old self reflecting on the current dilemma. What advice would they offer?
- Imagine living a life where all decisions are made for you. How does that feel?
Decision-Making Frameworks:
- Use the “10-10-10” method: How will this choice impact me in 10 minutes, 10 months, and 10 years?
Existential Dialogue:
- Engage in Socratic questioning: How might avoiding decisions amplify anxiety over time?

By facing indecision head-on, you open the door to meaningful growth and transformation. Over time, you may notice a reduction in avoidance and procrastination as you build the courage to confront your fears. You may also develop a deeper connection to your values and sense of self, allowing your decisions to reflect greater authenticity. With this clarity, confidence grows, enabling you to take action even in the face of uncertainty. Each step you take, no matter how small, moves you closer to living a life of intention and purpose, where every choice becomes an opportunity to align with the person you aspire to be.